Professional Help or the Saga of my Reel

I really hate not being able to do things myself.  Really, really hate it.   Its not that I think that I can do things better than anyone else, not at all, I just loathe being dependent on someone to do something that I need doing.  At this exact moment, the feeling causing the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach, is that I currently don’t have a reel. And I should have a reel. I have lots of footage, I just don’t know how to put it together.  Moreover, I think I could figure how to do it, but because I have high standards, I don’t want to hire myself, because I know I have no skills, so why would I hire me? I’ll do a shitty job.

I wish I could hire you Sofia.  I’d have the dreamiest reel in the world.  It would also have a killer soundtrack and I would be played by Kirsten Dunst.

I recently asked a friend who I thought was a professional video editor to put together my reel for me.  Not for free. I am a person who frequently gets asked to do things for free, whether it be acting or design, and I said up front that I was not asking for a favor, I was hiring his services. Said friend was only employed part-time, and said it would not be a problem.

Everything started moving along nicely.

And then I’d get responses to my inquiring  texts like, “I’ll work on it tomorrow.”  Said friend had gained some gainful employment.  I was genuinely happy for him and dutifully patient, as a good friend would be.  About two weeks go by and friend is coming by my office to show me a rough cut.  I was very excited.  He said he’d watched all my footage, which I definitely didn’t expect him to do, and I was really just stoked to see how he’d put everything together.   So I had trouble hiding my dismay when I watched what he’d done.  There was no artistry.  Everything was just crammed into each other and the choices from scene to scene were kinda, there is no other word really, just gross.  Like a cut from me humping the table in a Project Rant episode, to me making out with someone in a love scene.  The end just seemed like a corny joke.  I made a superhero movie once and he’d put this scene where I stand in a cape with the wind blowing it behind me and then my name came up, “JENNYMARIE JEMISON.”  Like “TA-DUH! – I’M AN ASSHOLE!”  I sort of wanted to die on the spot. He sees my face and says “Well, that’s not serious,” and I wondered what part of the reel I was supposed to take seriously. I asked about why he hadn’t included any other footage from that film.  It has some charming scenes, where there is also real conflict, and he just sort of shrugged. I guess it didn’t move him as much as the cape did.

So I tell him to be more free in his choices, that his (granted, unproven) artistry is why I wanted him to do it in the first place.  My friend is very smart and funny, and seemed like he had a good work ethic.  So I had faith.  But then another week went by and when I inquired when I’d see something else, he told me he was working a lot of doubles. At that point, I lied and told him I had someone else that could do it if he was too busy.  Just because I didn’t want him to feel bad about telling me he could do it, when in actuality, with his second job, he didn’t have the availability.  And he responded, that yes, that would be good.  That he didn’t have time now, etc..

Insert:  Girl kicks over a potted plant.

Beat.

She gets down on her hands and knees and re-pots it,  apologizing to the plant.

I am really trying hard not to be upset about all this but I’ve basically lost over a month. Not only that, he can’t find one of the films I gave him.  THE ONLY COPY I HAVE.

And no, I do not hate my friend.  I will not shit talk him except here, in this anonymous fashion.  Because I cannot babyshake him.  And I cannot do it myself.  And venting about it makes me feel better.

If you or someone you know has the skill set to help me, trust that I will sing your praises if you can help me do what I cannot do myself– make me stop crying.  No really, really though, look at me.  I will both pay you for your time and applaud your creative efforts if you can pretty pretty please just help me get this job done.